7673312652_bef75089a0_z

(Photo Courtesy of Keith Allison)
If you see Brandon Moss coming your way with a hot iron, please run

by Will Begley

As the leaves start to change from green to gold (or in Northern California, as the grass starts to change from gold to basically the same shade of gold), the mind of every baseball changes from honest, objective measures of players—homers, OPS, and wOBA are basically it—to the metrics that really tell us something about their character. I refer, of course, to anagrams of their names.

In the words of A’s legend Reggie Jackson, “You can tell a lot about a ballplayer by [what you get when you’re bored one day and you rearrange the letters in his name]. I myself happen to be [JOE GINGERSACK].” Indeed, when Reggie was clubbing by the bay during the ‘70s, he used that very pseudonym to pick up women in numbers that make Wilt Chamberlain’s ghostwriter weep for shame. But the glorious three-peats of the seventies are past and gone, and a new Oakland club is taking its own run at eternal glory, leaving the question on every fan’s lips: what can you tell about the current A’s by their anagrams?

Brandon “BRANDS MOONS” Moss was evidently the cruelest pledge director in Phi Delta Theta history, and Sonny “NOSY, ANGRY” Gray is not as affable or detached as he seems in interviews. The pitcher who presents the least confidence in his abilities when addressing young autograph-seekers is Hideki Okajima (“HI KID! I AM A JOKE.”) The most supportive of the Balfour Rage dance is Ryan Cook (“AY, ROCK ON.”) The most unusual hobbies are those of Dan “ANT RODEO” Otero and Eric Sidney Sogard (“YES, I DIG RED ACORNS.”) Jose Canseco is never far from the gaze of his countryman Yoenis Cespedes (SEES P.E.D. ICON? YES.) No one better embodies the green-collar ethos of the Moneyball years in Oakland than Chris Young (NO RICH GUYS). Tommy “LINE TO MY MOM” Milone writes home most often.

Numerous A’s players have deeply held opinions of public transit in the Bay Area (Bay Area Rapid Transit, or BART). Grant “FRUGAL ON BART” Balfour saves money with the monthly pass; authorities get the most concerned emails from Brett Anderson (“RE: DENTS ON BART”). Some of the newer members of the club aren’t exactly BART-savvy; Alberto Callaspo remains unclear about BART’s identity and nationality (BART’S A LOCAL POLE). Daric William Barton uses his commute to act out carnivorous childhood fantasies (“I’M A WILD BART CAR LION!”), but Bartolo Colon finds going to the park by public transport laughably plebeian (“O.CO ON BART? LOL”). One imagines he would also chuckle, however, at how Sean Doolittle gets to games (ON A TOILET SLED). You get a totally ludicrous name if you anagram Coco Crisp (COCO CRISP).

To conclude, best of luck to the 2013 Oakland Athletics, Western Champs. Or, as it says on Billy Beane’s desk, MATH PERCENTS LAW: I SACK A’S ON THE DL.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Week 5- Win 2

It seems like more than two weeks ago that the Raiders had just beaten the Jags, and that […]

Tweets From The Bay: 10/4/13

Each week the Three Bridge staff is scouring the Twitternet to bring you the best tweets from the Bay Area’s […]

ALDS- Tigers @ Athletics- Game 1 Preview

Three Bridge Sports is going to try to have a re/pre-view of each game of the A’s postseason […]

#15 Washington at #5 Stanford Preview

When: Saturday, October 5th 7:30 pm PT Where: Stanford Stadium, Palo Alto, CA   As I outlined in […]

These Sleeved Jerseys Must Be Stopped

I advocated earlier on this website for the Warriors to be pioneers of offensive basketball. They have indeed done this, […]

Can The A’s Get Some Hardware?

During the last decade or so, the Oakland Athletics have done pretty well in loading up their trophy […]

Follow-Up of Hunter Pence’s New Contract

Back on September 24, 2013 I wrote a piece that previewed the contract breakdown between Hunter Pence and […]

The Season Starts Now: Stanford Football

Stanford has steamrolled through its first four opponents by the tune of 165-78. The win over No. 22 […]

Le Jeu Dangereux

I never took French, but something told me that “the dangerous game” would sound better in French. This […]

Back On Track: Niners-Rams Recap

There is obviously a lot to praise from last night’s game against St. Louis. The Niners rushed the ball […]

All Hail Anquan

Anquan Boldin wasn’t supposed to be an elite receiver this season. Despite a big postseason during the Ravens’ run […]

Week 4- Win 2

Monday Night wasn’t pretty for the Raiders as they lost pretty handily to the Broncos, and quite possibly […]

Stanford at Washington State Preview

When: Saturday September 28, 7 pm Pacific Time Where: Century Link Stadium   Another Saturday, another win for […]

Niners-Rams: Thursday Night Preview

Heading into St. Louis for Thursday night football, just four days after being embarrassed at home by Indianapolis, […]

What The Final Weekend Means For The A’s

With just a weekend series against the Mariners remaining, A’s playoff baseball is right around the corner. As […]

It’s Time For Quinton Patton

With three games now in the books for the San Francisco 49ers, it’s clear that the jury is […]

Who Has The Edge: Pac-12 vs. SEC

(Photos Courtesy of RammaJammaYellaHamma)     The SEC is widely regarded as the best college football conference in the country, […]

How Bad Could It Get For Cal This Weekend?

The Cal defense has been regularly victimized already this season, giving up an average of 42 points per […]

Pence and Lincecum Offseason Preview

With only 6 games left there is no doubt that the Giants are thinking about next season. Well, they’ve […]

Quick Hit: The A’s Repeat As AL West Champions

The Oakland Athletics once again reign supreme in the AL West. Yes, those A’s that sport a payroll of less […]

At the beginning of the season I said that before each game, Three Bridge Sports would have a […]

The Niners Have Lost Their Mojo

We fudged up, guys. The sad reality is that we flat out got beat by a better team. The […]